How should I begin?
I’ve been staring at this blank page for days now and been thinking how to perfectly describe your relationship with Daddy.
With some 90’s feel-good love songs and relaxing instrumental music as my background, I still can’t seem to put into words the special bond that you both have.
I shifted to reading some inspirational books and light novels for a while to see how a writer imagines a certain scene... how he/she establishes a point... how he/she awakens that certain feeling.
Then, I started browsing through some old photos... our family photos.
I smiled.
Father to Daughter
“I shall hold you.... carry you... support you.”
If there’s one strong message that I picked up from your photographs with Daddy, this would be it.
I can see you grin from ear to ear whenever he holds you. It’s as if you feel safe and secured. Because you are.
He has always been protective of us, especially you. Sometimes, even too much that we ask him not to be anymore. But, I guess that’s what fathers do.
He always made sure you have everything that you need like we all do. But, you know, we go the extra mile when it comes to you. 😉
Back to when you were little up to your 24th year, he has always been there to stand as your protector and guide to walk. And even when you began to grow and gain weight, he never hesitated to carry you – whether it be at our two-storey ancestral home or even just to carry you from the living room to your bedroom when you couldn’t keep yourself awake after dinner.
But he, too, gets tired and is getting old. With his white hair and tired eyes showing from time to time, he calls out the older sisters and makes a strong rule and requirement for the future husbands: FIND A MAN WHO WOULD LOVE YOUR YOUNGER SISTER AS MUCH AS DADDY AND THE WHOLE FAMILY LOVES HER.
That’s how much he loves you. We do.
Strong Man Down
I’ve only seen Daddy cry a few times. With everything that he went through – with his career, passions and personal life - I saw him gain weight, lose weight, work harder at the gym, and heard him raise his voice a little, but never to a point that he made us feel that he lost it and gave up. With his discipline and vision, he always knew how to get back on his feet.
But, what made a strong man down? What made this butt-kicking, wall-punching Jackie Chan look-alike and everyone in the family shaken?
That day...
I can still hear his voice shaking over the phone.
When everything seemed like it was already in a rush and every minute counted, I dialed Daddy’s number to make them go back to the hospital ASAP. They just got home to change, but things couldn’t wait.
I dialed his number again. He was driving but he immediately answered.
“Let, nasa kanto na kami... Ate Madeeeet,” he said with a cracked voice.
When they arrived, my world crumbled. I never expected or wanted to see them like that. He teared up like I’ve never seen him cry before. He didn’t care about anything else, but the few minutes or seconds left to whisper his final goodbye. He was hanging by every moment left to say I love you.
I hugged him tight... he and Mommy. At that moment, I tried to be strong for them. My mind and body kind of gave up a few more days after.
Daughter to Father
When everything was settled after that day, we sat down and talked as a family. We always do this, but it was a lot different that time. We missed you.
Then, Mommy and Daddy had a confession.
They are growing old. They know that and are starting to embrace it. But, they always have this biggest fear – they were afraid that because your big sisters are already married and are having their own families, they are worried that you wouldn’t be given much attention... that you wouldn’t be taken care of once Mommy and Daddy will not have the strength to carry you anymore.
Of course, we know the promise that we made. Ate Tatet and I made a promise that both of us or either of us will take care of you. Our husbands know that. They love you, too. So much.
But, it’s as if you know Mommy and Daddy’s worries and fears.
It may be of exhaustion or it was your sweet way of sending us a message.
Daddy finally had the chance to take a nap one afternoon. Everything just happened quickly that he was not able to take a break from taking care of the technicalities.
But when he woke up from his nap, his exhaustion was replaced with some sort of divine reassurance from the heavens.
He said, after closing his eyes for a few minutes (he said he was not yet asleep), he saw a bright light... wings... and you with your fellow angels flying around. You assured him that you’re okay and at good hands.
You always are and always will be. 💓
P.S. Hey, Daddy’s Girl! Send Father’s Day kisses for me, too. Okay? I miss you.
💗 Your fellow Daddy's Girl,
Ate Lilet
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